annegray's Xanga

Monday, May 21, 2007

Mon, 21 May 2007 08:37:44 GMT

It's been so long, I've practically forgotten how to write in anything resembling normal english script. I'm in college now and I'm still me.

But I haven't updated in more than a year. Which is completely my fault. Guess there are times when you get carried away by things and you forget others or just procrastinate and it goes on and on and on...

In my case, mostly fanfiction, I guess. If there's anyone out there who's interested in fanfiction, I recommend ff.net, a single spark and nunswithpens.

Excellent writers abound there. I love Alethia, Tella, Rozefire, TamashaTako, BSD, Little wolf lover, Wolf Blossom and half a hundred others.

Once I decide what 'coherant' actually means, I'll string some more sentences along.

Until then,

A.G

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 17:11:39 GMT

I am so so so sorry...for not updating sooner,for not replying....pretty much everything..There's a lot going on right now and I was kinda overwhelmed with all of it-not to mention being carried away by ff.net.But I'm back now and I'm gonna make it up,I promise.

MY DAD'S HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he brought me back LOADS of stuff...the coolest alarm clock and these amazing chocolates and some stationary and the loveliest t-shirt ever!!!!But I'm gonna quit babbling...

I got made peer educator at college-which basically comes down to spouting crap about things you're actually totally vague about...but still.....and one of my closest friends got secretly engaged to this guy she last met in ninth grade....she's like 20 now...go figure!!I dunno what she was thinking about...Guess I oughta be grateful she's not eloping....and get this!!! the guy propesed on the ******* telephone!!!!!

I can just see Cupid getting kicked off a cloud.....

I've been reading Bram Stoker's Dracula....and it totally creeps me out everytime I flick a page...I'm actually starting to peek behind my shoulder every couple of minutes....it freaks me out..So I keep a P.G.Wodehouse with me so every time I wanna shiver with fright,I snatch in a couple of pages of mirth with Bertie Wooster's aunts or dear old Uncle Gally.

I also gave my room a makeover and I'm planning to give my site one too.....maybe a different layout....more pics....I dunno.

Now I'm gonna go post nice apologetic replies to all of you coz you guys are angels and I don't deserve friends like you*sniffles*

Love you guys

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 15:57:31 GMT

I was a bitch today.

I can't beleive how horrible I was.Is that what I really am like?Am I a bitch?Seriously?How could I do that to her?She's supposed to be one of my closest friends.And my behaviour was totally uncalled for.

I don't even know when or how or why it started.All I know is that I acted like a bloody snobbish artificial bitch.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I couldn't even stop myself.Half of me was yelling at myself-telling me to shut up and keep still and the other half played little miss artificial bitch to the best -or,in this case,the worst of my ability.

Almost as though I suffer from MPD or something.

And that's all I can think about now.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Who am I,really.

Little Miss Anne,the class sweeheart?Or a snobbish,boastful,selfish bitch?

How do I find out?I feel so utterly lost.And shattered inside.What could have caused me to behave so horribly?And will she ever forgive ,me?I don't even know myself anymore.

Hell.I don't know anything anymore.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 10:58:05 GMT

    Thank you for the music

                                     The songs I’m singing

Thanks for all the joy they’re bringing

Who can live without it?

                                   I ask in all honesty

                                  What would life be?

Without a song or dance,what are we?

So I say,thank you for the music

                                  For giving it to me.

                                 I’ve been so lucky

I am the girl with golden hair

I wanna sing it out to everybody

                                What a joy,what a life,what a chance

I know I haven’t updated in a really really long while and I’m honestly sorry for taking so long to get back to all of you.I’ve been really tied up with fanfiction.net and I’m writing my own CCS fanfics and that takes up a lot of my time.The past couple of days have been incredible.Life suddenly seems so amazing,wrought with possibilities I wouldn’t –no-couldn’t have imagined into existence.How do I feel?I’m not too sure.As though anything and everything’s possible.Limitless,unimaginably happy,drunk on it,as a matter of fact.Scared and yet eager to embrace life and make it mine.It draws me closer into myself and makes me feel free.I’ve never felt this way for so long before.

Its the soaring feeling in my heart I usually only get when I’m walking down the white way of delight,across the haunted woods-and yes,there really is a place like that just across my backyard.I named it after Anne of Green Gable’s favourite places and they suit the names like no other possibly could.The white way of delight overlooks a castle with a four huge towers-I am not kidding.Its really old but I honestly believe it could not have looked more intimidating,startling and powerful  even back then,when it was first built.

I think,what i really am trying to say is-you guys rock.you're all a part of the reason I feel so blessed.I'm sorry I've seemed like an ungrateful little wretch as of late-I haven't been updating.I haven't even been getting back to you like I ought to have and I really am sorry.Thanks for being nice enough to check on me though-

angelsrfalling, craziii_me, Katana, nymph, sid, ikklegem, xbeautifulxtragedyxdeathx, abby, Krystle_heart, love_me_please, swat8 and my chatterbox buddy-Archy

I'm going to get back to each and everyone of you right now.Until then-This is for you- http://www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com/

Friday, March 17, 2006

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 15:45:03 GMT

Do you remember us practicing together

The song we eventually never sang?

I can’t help but wonder its still something I remember

But I guess it hasn’t been all that long..

“What would you do if I sang out of tune?

Would you stand up and walk out on me?

Lend me your ears.I will sing you a song

And I’ll try not to sing out of key”

And we sang it together and you laughed all through

And promised we’d never be apart?

Which was,of course just another lie

One of many more to come along.

The fact is just like I’ve known all the time

I cannot change who I’m meant to be.

Hypocrite or not I will stand by your side

So don’t raise the question of my sincerity

I don’t know how long I’ll have to keep up

Pretending nothing’s wrong with you and me.

Just when I was more scared than I’ve ever been

You suddenly feel the urge to quit the scene

You’re never there when I need you the most

When my world’s crashing down around me

So we did it,time and again

Until there was nothing left for us to be.

But perfect strangers to each other

Emotionless,disfigured and weak.

So I’m going to learn,yet again-the hard way

That nothing’s ever the way I see.

And I’ll continue my journey alone

Though I’ll still look back time and again.

Then wonder I never guessed earlier that you’d leave.

I know now,though.i won’t do it again.

Make a fool of myself and my belief

So this is goodbye.wherever you are.

I’m not bitter.that would mean I could feel.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 11:40:51 GMT

i was sitting in class today and we were pretty much goofing off as usual-lee,sveta,ron,shelly,rach,me-just like we always do.and then suddenly it was as if i was looking at them all-seeing them for the very first time.and i realised something.this is going to last forever.all of us-together.and suddenly it didn't matter to me what mum had said or why dad hadn't called or what i was going to do next to untangle the web i weaved myself.

because i know my friends are going to be there for me-no matter what happens.we're always going to be there for each other..its quite probable that in a few years we'll all go our separate ways-do different things-make other friends.but i know thats not going to change anything for us-not really-not ever.so-Sveta,Lee,Shelly,Rachel,Ron-this post is for all of you and for who you will always be to me.you have no idea how much you've changed my world and helped me out.

after that i can't really complain so i'm not going to.Lulu's been awfully naughty though-mum's bed's ruined.and just in case you were wondering,she's not too thrilled.Lee loaded me up with these amazing Spice girls and Backstreet boys posters and hang-ons and cds and Win got this movie i've been dying to watch for decades-ok-not really-but close enough

.The painters are here though they won't start work until the 10th or so coz mum's a tad busy with some stuff.we still haven't finalised the colours for my room.Lee and Rach have been really helpful with lots of ideas for what we can do with it-Rach is planning a complete makeover as a matter of fact.

But she wants me to throw away what she calls'Anne's junk'.I'm willing to compromise as long as my Harry Potter banner stays put.As for what i've been reading-i'm done with THE MURDER ARTIST by John Case-thats actually a pseudonym used by a married writing-team-partners couple.and a couple of books by John Farman-(i love that guy!!!honestly-they ought to ask him to write our history textbooks!!) and i'm looking forward to buying Eldest.I was supposed to get it a while back.but i just never found the time.Right now,i've begun Start from here by Sean French which is getting quite interesting.Win also lent me a copy of Northanger Abbey.And can i just say one thing?JANE AUSTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT IS UP WITH YOU??????????????????there are trademarks of her style sprinkled through the book but there is absolutely NO passion.none whatsoever!zilch!nie!nada!null!zero!Henry has got to be the dullest guy EVAH!!!!!!!!! he's a sensible level headed mass of nothingness who's extremely knowledgable about women's clothing!nothing sparky-no sarcasm no nothing!and he's not even in love with that silly sentimental nut!!
thats about all for now..i gotta go study for my french orals tomorrow.have a GREAT day everyone!!!!!

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 16:36:02 GMT

i cant beleive how stupid i was.like things could actually be turn out ok.when have things ever been that way?and i actually fell for it.i ate it up like the idiot i am.thats it.i'm done.i'm not going to waste everyone's time blathering.i'm sick of this.i dont care what they do.or what they want me to do.if they want to fight all night,i'm not going to give them an audience or think about how they're crushing the other's ego.they can do what the hell they want to do.

EDITED

ok.i take that back.i take everything i said back.did the body snatchers just come and take my parents away?coz they were HOLDING HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!! and did i mention they kept smiling at each other all through?we were out to dinner and i'm still reeling from the aftershock.WHATS GOING ON??????????

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 18:09:38 GMT

First they put away the dealers

then they put away the prostitutes

then they shoot away the bums

and… beat and bash the queers

Turned away asylum seekers,

fed us suspicions and fears,

we didn’t raise our voice,

we didn’t make a fuss… it’s funny,

there was no one left to notice-
when they came for us.

(NOFX)

Are we really seeing whats going on around us?really seeing-not just looking?

There’s so much out there and so many people and so many lives and they’re all different.no-one’s the same.

Maybe what they say,about there being no place for any emotion but passion in political games is right.after all,how many people are there working for the government?how can they possibly know us?what we feel?i’m not talking about the public.i’m talking about individuals-you,me….they can’t cater to all our needs,they cant satisfy everybody.for them,we’re the public-not persons-not individuals-we are the public.thats what they catagorise us into-as a whole.and in their own way,they’re right….the majority gets its way.and even within the majority,none of them want exactly the same thing.but where does that leave us?self government?isnt that what we’re doing?we are being represented.but how can anybody but us know what we really want?the poem.the unknown citizen-that’s what we,as a soceity,as a country are metamorphing into.all of us-we’re numbers.meaningless faces as individuals,populace as a whole.and whats more?thats what we’re always going to be.i think,along the way,what I was trying to say got warped up and coiled.but think for a moment.somewhere along the way,soceity took a turn.i don’t matter any more and nor do you.but together,we do.

Where is this coming from?sveta and rach got kicked out of world history.and the very one sided discussion we had led to this.does any of this make any sense?

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 13:05:36 GMT

Edelweiss, Edelweiss, Du grüsst mich jeden Morgen.
Seh' ich Dich, freu' ich mich und vergesse meine Sorgen.

Schmücke die Heimat mit Eis und Schnee, glüh'n soll'n Deine Sterne.
Edelweiss, Edelweiss, ach ich hab' Dich so gerne!

Edelweiss, Edelweiss, every morning you greet me!
Small and white, clean and bright, you look happy to meet me!

Blossom of snow, may you bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever.
Edelweiss, Edelweiss, bless my homeland forever

my mother is the most amazing singer in all the world as far as i'm concerned.and she made this song even more beautiful than it already is.it was one of my favourites,growing up.valentine's day is round the corner and i'm stuck with just lulu and darcy for company.even my mother has plans...oh!well..i'm not complaining.i guess things could be worse.dad called last night.he's learning to cook and he's getting quite good at it.he says he's gonna come see us in april.i miss him.at times,it feels like he's only just left.and then it feels like he's been away for a really long time.i'm glad mum and dad arent fighting any more.it was horrible when all they did was yell. or worse-the cold shoulder thing.i hated that more than anything.but dad's coming back.maybe he'll give up that job and decide to stay with us.anything's possible.i did my french paper on wicca.its not bad considering my french sucks!big time!lee's was on rock through the ages.its fantastic.mum's getting my room painted.she thinks applegreen'd be cool.i'm thinking of a pearly pink.or a bluish-grey...teal?yellow?oh!and the most amazing thing happened to me today.i'm still not absolutely sure.so i'm gonna wait until its official.but i have GOT to have been born under the luckiest star ever.thmks for all those comments,everyone.i hope you have the greatest valentine's day ever.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 06:43:33 GMT

A stoat can be easily

Told from a weasel

By the simple fact

That its tail is black

And its figure is slightly the bigger

I'm BACK!!!!!!!!

Sveta and I had this falling out last month.well,things have been pretty shaky for the last year,actually.apart from a couple of times when we’ve actually reverted to the pre-issue kind of days,things were a bit uncomfortable.well,we got together a couple of days back and worked everything out.turns out,she thought I was getting sidetracked and misled by someone else and that she didn’t think I trusted her like I used to.afterwards,we caught up on all the crazy stuff we did in our freshmn year-like singing ‘we’re off to see the wizard,the wonderful wizard of Oz’ and dancing up and down-and cracking up in class like we havent done in ages.-rolling eyes and going’I cant believe you just said that’.just the normal silly amazing stuff we did back then...and I think the uncomfortable phase just disappeared.(knock-wood)we went out to celebrate the end of the semis on Friday-we hit Dominoes-noone eats there-its all take-out.so we kinda had the place to ourselves...Lee and i like the extra-cheesy ones.Sveta and Rach like the really hot ones that burn your tongue and then you need to drink 3 cans of coke before your eyes go back to normal.

……………………I LOVE MY LIFE